Holly J Campbell

To quote a well-known character, “I do not think it means what you think it means.”

I’m learning more about burnout, in small bits and pieces, but didn’t think it was something that necessarily applied to me. I try to do my job well, I try to be reliable, consistent. It has become my identity in many ways and in many areas. Recently however, I’m finding small matters become annoyances for no apparent reason.

I’ve always procrastinated, working well under pressure for the most part, getting projects done on time when needed. I’ve had to set my own deadlines for some things, just to give myself a finish line. If someone is counting on me to get something done, I will get it done. Unless it’s dinner. That sometimes doesn’t happen, oops!

Anyway, I’ve been seeing some things about burnout that say it might present as avoiding tasks, doomscrolling, being bored, etc. I’m no expert, and I haven’t done much research yet to see how true those things are, but it is making me wonder… am I burnt out? Am I tired of being reliable? Am I weary from the responsibility of being responsible?

I’ve never been good at saying no when people ask for help. Setting boundaries is difficult. In my mind, I might even say near-impossible! I’m sure there is some psychological reasoning for this back somewhere in time, but I’m not there now, so I have to be the adult and work through this. I have bills to pay, people to feed, and a lot of stuff to organize! I have projects galore to work on, experiments to try, oh, and sleep needs to fit in there somewhere!

I have to figure out the order of projects, with organizing being close to the top. I would like to get things situated so I can start on some of the creative projects I have in mind. I think that being able to get my art journaling back on track would help in a lot of areas. It would free up some mental space, and allow me to play with supplies, but also “journal” some of the things that are floating around in my brain. It wouldn’t require so many words, but I could add them here and there to hint at what I’m working through.

For now, these random words strung together in questionable order will keep me going.